My Journey with Faith

Close your eyes.

Bow your head.

and pray.

have faith.

‘Thank you Jesus for the day, please forgive me for I have sinned- and please watch over my family where ever they may be. I love you. Amen’

These words fall so effortlessly off the tip of my tongue.. so repetitively.

Each morning I repeat the same prayer over and over. Gradually… I slowly… start…

to ….

stop.

I stop going to church.

I stop listening to worship and praise songs.

I stop praying.

I stop engaging into conversations regarding religion.

I sit back with this notepad and pen and start writing…

I’m wondering why I stopped.

Have I stopped being faithful? Why is it so hard to genuinely have a conversation with my God? Why can’t I concentrate when I pray? How is it so easy for others to praise and worship his name on high?

I don’t have the answers to these questions but it’s something I am struggling with to get back on track.

This journey with my faith is like a moving train…

You are placed on this train with everything you need. God tells you not to be tempted on what is outside these doors, because where he is taking you- is FAR MORE GREATER.

From a child you play and play on the train… everything is perfect.

To a teenager, you witness friends and some family jump off the train and cheer in excitement from all the fun they are having on the ‘outside’.

This is where it all begins..

From a simple question of ‘I wonder what’s out there..’ to soon realizing- you’re hanging onto the doors, with half your body out the train, trying to take IN the excitement that is on the outside.

to soon, letting…. go.

I always thought my relationship with God was okay. I didn’t think I did anything wrong.. I didn’t gossip. I didn’t steal. I always gave. I never held back from giving love.. all of this became a routine for me. I gave respect. I gave honesty.

I felt that- I was being good… and it was enough.

I never hurt anyone.

But I hurt Him.

The one who gave his only son to die on the cross for you and me.

I put out the fire of faith I had in me and decided I was ‘cool’ enough and that He can see all the good I was doing regardless. Regardless if I prayed, went to church, stopped worshiping, stop saying His name.

I read posts and saw statuses of people glorifying the Lord and I started to wonder if this same action is the same as the prayer I repeat each day.

A pastor once told me… ‘You can repeat the same prayer every day and commit to every word… but soon after a awhile… the words become a routine… and you have to ask yourself if your heart is in the words like the first time you ever said it’.

As I pray this prayer I realized this is where I started to stop. But the question is, after so long how do you begin again?

How do you begin to genuinely pray and commit to that relationship with God? How do you consistently pray, worship and have conversations with him? It’s not something that will happen right away. But a relationship I have to be willing to build.

First step:

Communicate: Keeping a diary for conversations, questions or revelations specifically for prayer.

Second step:

Worship: Go back to church when ready and be susceptible to his presence.

Third step:

Outreach: Not sure what my calling is, or if I even have one… but once I find out what it is… DO IT and touch others.

Fourth step:

Refer back to step one.

A simple list I’ve made for myself to get back on track- and if this pertains you my fellow readers… I encourage you to do the same because after you decide to stop at a dead end, there is no other way, but to turn right around and take the next road ahead. Try not to conform in the devils way. NEVER stay comfortable. No one is perfect and I can testify that.

But for now… this is where I will start.