Some nights I am- Drowning in my own soul, Words are rushed into my skull voice silent more than ever before They told me about the sticks and stones I questioned if those words ever really hurt me, especially the ones left unsaid. With closed eyes I try to shut it out My head turned to the side comforting its pillow Warm drops of water escape from my eyes sliding down my skin as the words get violent in my head My eyelids clench closed even tighter and the thoughts parading in my head get even louder. The tears get bigger and at this point "I am not good enough" "I have no friends" "I am hated" "I am nobody" I look forward to sleep, as if I am submerged into deep waters No noise. No thought. No feeling. The worse part of it all is having to wake up, and force yourself to be "okay" Constant surrounding of people but still feeling alone. Depression is silly to those who have never dealt with it Judgements of social incapability and not being able to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes It's draining, restless chronic numbing and more often painful I look forward to the day I wake up and be glad that I did.
Therese-Siulolovao A. Loko
Photo credit: Coming Up For Air, by Lane Coder.